Satisfied By Love...Day 13

Yesterday was spent sitting or laying or leaning against the couch with my little girl on my lap or laying over my shoulder.  Funny how all her growing pains are exactly what's taking her away from that one place she really wants to be when her body is hurting.  She changes overnight sometimes.

Today has been much of the same.  Sitting, laying, playing sometimes, and watching a lot of Veggie Tales.  Who knew that God would remind me of something so important while watching armless talking vegetables?

So there was Jonah the asparagus listening to God tell him what to do and God told him to go to Ninevah.  Jonah said no thanks and promptly moved in the exact opposite direction.

Ouch.  How many times have I done that?

And then he goes on a trip with those lazy pirates who don't do anything, a storm comes, he offers to jump off the boat in his rubber duck floaty and swim cap, and gets swallowed up (along with his traveling buddy the half caterpillar half worm) by a giant fish.

I read about this not too long ago in What Women Fear by Angie Smith.  She talks about how that giant fish was God's way of rescuing Jonah.  I'm not sure I often think about the hardest or scariest pieces of my life as a rescue.  To me they always feel like an obstacle or a test.  But God gave Jonah that fish and offered him the opportunity to turn back to Him and to choose the right direction.  He gave Jonah time for a change of heart and eyes to see God's power.

I can understand why Jonah didn't want to take a message of repentance and mercy to the Ninevites.  But Jonah didn't miss out only on extending God's grace to them, he was missing out on God's grace and work in his own life.

Oh that flesh!  Making choices we know will lead us away from where God wants us to be is so difficult at times.  But there was no rest for Jonah when he made that choice.  The rest and the connection to God came when he was obedient.  God blesses that obedience.  I know that's when I feel like I'm in step with Him-when I obey His commands in His word as well as His direction in my life.

And so why do I run the other way?  Still looking to be satisfied by this world.  By things I can see.

Father, satisfy me with You love today.  That I would seek you and respond to Your Spirit instead of the flesh.  To accept Your direction and to walk in it with confidence that good will come from it-however hard it may seem.  

31 Days of...

Intentional Living!


I've been reading at The Nester who is doing a 31 day series on her blog right now.  At the time it started my thoughts were blank for a topic and the thought of committing that amount of time did not appeal to me at all.  But, as you may know, I'm reading this fantastic book, What Women Fear.


And today Angie Smith wrote to the heart of me.  She wrote to the fear of not being significant.  That feeling that my life matters, that I'm making a difference, that something in this world would be better because I was here.


Angie writes it well:
"...it's easy to feel like I didn't do anything that really mattered the entire day...If I step back it's easy to see why the pages don't seem to matter; just scribbles on a page that had the potential to be beautiful...More often than not I spend my time on what I wish I had done with the kids, what I wanted to do in my time with the Lord, the impact I could have had if I would have just gotten my act together.  And the image of tattered pages, fresh with intention and promise, can haunt me long into the night.  At some point I release it to God, asking Him to work with what I have given and to make the next day better.


But don't I have a part in that?  To choose to make the next day better too?  For God to order my prints and for me to actually move into them?


My 31 days starts tomorrow.  November might seem like a better time to start, but if it doesn't happen tomorrow it may not happen at all.  Besides, then I'd only have 30 days!  It will be so refreshing to write for 31 days on things that DID happen rather than things I wish would have!


Father, help me to see in the next 31 days and beyond how I can be intentional about making each day matter for Your sake.  To love people and to serve them.  You are the one who created me and You have purpose for my life.  Help me begin a habit of living it out each day...

From The Book Club...

"We each have had seasons where we were trapped in our sin.  It is a conscious choice we make to walk away from those places.  More often than not, we walk away and then look back because we wonder if we belong there more than here in the land of freedom.
           Do not allow yourself to be consumed by your sin, or convinced that you have done something that could so separate you from the Lord that you cannot be restored by Him through Jesus."

What Women Fear by Angie Smith

Where Is My Faith?

In the most recent chapter of What Women Fear I read this:

"We learn a great lesson by considering how Jesus lounged on the ship.  Those around Him knew he could perform miracles, but when it came down to trusting in miracles for their own lives, the trust wavered.  I see this more in my life; if someone is ill or fearful, I am the first one to encourage them to have faith.  But if it is me, I tend to believe He has fallen asleep.
At the heart of my fear is the burning question of whether or not I really matter to Him the way I want to believe I do.I don't doubt God created the heavens and the earth, nor do I doubt that he raised men from the dead and sits at the right hand of the Father.  These are all big things for a big God.But I am little in the hand of a big God and I fear He will not be able to make His fingers small enough to hold onto me." Angie Smith

I've written about this before.  The idea that I can believe that God's Word is true, that He is who He says He is, but feel like it's true for everyone but me.

And Angie writes the question Jesus asked the disciples on the boat in the middle of the storm, "Where is your faith?" (Luke 8:25)

Where is my faith?

Is it in what I can accomplish?
Is it in how well I keep my house and play with my daughter?
Is it in how my husband responds to me?
Is it in the role I play at church?
Is it in the acceptance of my family?
Is it in my Bible study technique?
Is it in my friendships?

Often it is in all of these things.  I suppose that's why I doubt.  I put my faith in people, in things, in appearances, and they always fall short.

"All...fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)

Somehow this seems to be a truth hard for me to latch onto as well.  I know that people fall short but I find them so much easier to trust at times.

I know the enemy lies.  He says, "Sure God did it for that person, but that doesn't mean He'll do it for you."  So I manipulate and try to work things out in my own way.  Turns out I'm part of the "all who fall short."

The truth is:
Today there is food on our table.
Today my husband has a job to go to.
Today we can pay the bills in our mailbox.
Today my husband is on his way home to us.
Every day I open His Word and learn something new about who God is, who Jesus is, who the Holy Spirit is, who I am.
Every day I know I belong to Him.
Every day I know I was a sinner who has been redeemed by Jesus.
Every day I know He is doing a new work in me.

These are all acts of God in my life.  Real tangible works that I see every day.  And still I have moments, sometimes days of doubt.  But, the Holy Spirit is working in me, opening my eyes to the truth and closing my ears to the lies.  And I know that if I keep listening His voice will be the one I recognize and the only one I respond to.

Lord, when every fear, every question, every past failure causes me to doubt you, remind me to cling to Your Word and to keep clinging until I see the Truth worked out...

God's Eye View...

"From were I was sitting I could see all of their words along with everyone else's, but they didn't have the benefit of that viewpoint.  Just their own keyboard and the hope that they wouldn't be judged by the contents of the message they wrote.  It's a microcosm of what the Lord must see every day as He watches His daughters walk through life without seeing the hearts of the women around them."
What Women Fear by Angie Smith

Angie is talking here about women who have communicated to her their fear of being "found out."  Their marriage is a wreck, they have a prodigal child, they harbor anger, they aren't sure of their salvation, etc. Things they can't imagine other people being able to love and support them through.

The quote above created this image in my mind:  The women of this world wandering, lonely, keeping to themselves, eyes to the ground.  And God seeing us all at the same time with a sorrow-filled face.

This is not what we were created for.  We were created for love.  For relationship.  For community.  For growth.  For victory.

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God...In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him...Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
1 John 4:7, 9, 11, 12 

And when we wander around keeping to ourselves pretending we are something we aren't, Satan wins.  When we think about how others might see us and become trapped in fear so that our sin, our shame, our sorrow is hidden deeper and deeper, he wins.  And we aren't living.

When my sweet baby girl came home with us, the sweet seemed to stay at the hospital.  I thought she may be the end of me.  My imagination had created this peaceful picture of motherhood and what it would be like to feed her and rock her during the quiet snowy first months of her life.  It was a shockingly difficult transition for me full of shame and feeling like a failure.  Hiding it worked for a while from everyone but my husband, but eventually I broke.  Emotion and frustration got the best of me and I began sharing my experience with other newer mom friends.  It turned out many had a similar story!  Why didn't anyone tell me how hard it might be?!  Since then I have decided to share those dark moments honestly.  When friends are heading toward the journey of motherhood they know what it was like for me.  My desire is to simply let them know that if they end up in that difficult place, they are not alone.

Love among women in community is a choice resulting in healing and victory. You may not want to share your story with me, but if I share mine you might be a little less ashamed, a bit relieved, and you may find freedom in knowing you are not alone.  You're not alone anyway.  God is there in the struggle with you always.  But sometimes it's nice to have a hand to hold.  A heart to weep with.  A listening love-filled face across from you.

So when you think of the woman sitting three rows ahead of you in church and she looks like she has it all together and you think you could never be together enough to be her friend...what if everyone thinks that and she has no close friends at all?  How lonely.  Maybe you could be the first to volunteer?  To love?

When your super bubbly and outgoing friend is crazy busy and you feel like she has no time for you, maybe it's time to grab a cup of cocoa, slow her down and ask her how she's doing...really.

And when YOU are overflowing with _____________________ maybe it's time for you to initiate a conversation, let someone listen, pray with you, and love you through it.  Wouldn't you do that for someone else?  They'll do it for you too.

Be love today and be loved today.  It's what we're here for.  What we're made for.  Not to compete.  Not to present ourselves well.  But to love and to be loved.  Because He loves you, me, and all the other wandering women in this world here and now.

I pray every day that my daughter would be someone who recognizes needs in other people and shows compassion.  She's almost two and my husband and I see it in her already.  She's not afraid of looking silly as she walks around Target with a hat from a shelf saying, "Hat!  I like it!"  And people laugh and smile and chat with her.  She walks up to folks, smiles at them, waves, says hi.  For someone that might be the first time today they were even acknowledged and to her they are the most important person in the world in that moment.  Maybe we should all be praying to do that more.

Oh Lord, I pray that we would recognize those women around us in need.  That we would remember none of us have it all together.  That we wouldn't be driven to compete with each other.  That we wouldn't let Satan win by thinking that no one would love us if they really knew us.  Teach us how to love, for this is your will...

What Are You Afraid Of?

I received this question today as a preview to a book I am reading: What Women Fear. The challenge seems to be narrowing it to one...

I am afraid that in those weeks when grocery money seems scarce, there will be nothing.  I am afraid that when our one car sputters its last we will have no transportation.  I am afraid that if I offer my time or gifts to serve at our church I will fail.  I am afraid that when I fail I will make those I serve with look bad.  I am afraid that my family will not know the joy of a relationship with Christ as I do.  And I am afraid that my fear will keep me from becoming who God has purposed for me to be.

Ahh...when I look at these I see it.  The one thing.  I am afraid that God will not come through. That those things he promises aren't really real.

I doubt he'll provide.
I doubt I am usable.
I doubt he desires all to know his salvation.
I doubt I have value.
I doubt that he really works for the good of those who love him.
I doubt there is really something that I was created for.

The definition of insecurity in So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore is, "Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt--a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world.  Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence inourselves and anxiety about our relationships."

Do you see it too?  All the time self is mentioned?  Don't fear and insecurity both come from a wrong perspective?  When I am afraid, when I feel self-conscious, when I am uncertain, I am looking at me.  Not the Creator of me.  The Author of truth.  The One who knows my gifts and has created me for specific good works.  The One who has created me to know Him and to bring Him glory.  The One who takes dust and turns it into life.  The One who takes life and turns it into dust.

So as I enter this fear-facing journey I hope for a new perspective.  That like David I will truly be able to say,

"The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid?  Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident."

Amen, Lord.  Amen.

Continuing to give thanks this Monday...
#37 A week with no naps
#38 Return to napping
#39 My daughter taking steps all by herself
#40 Walking for an hour and a half around only one block
#41 Husband's overtime
#42 Sharing life with friends
#43 Chocolate cake
#44 Facing fear with encouragement of others doing the same
Thank you Lord for these...