Satisfied By Love...Day 30

The final day.  And what I have been reading seems so appropriate.

In John 15 Jesus gives two commands.

• Abide in my love (vs. 9)
• Love one another as I have loved you (vs. 12).

He uses the word "love" eleven times.  He talks of love, of friendship, of joy.

"Hate" or "persecution" is mentioned ten times.  He also talks of a world that hates Him and His disciples.

What is so interesting to me in this section of John is that Jesus spends time explaining what love should look like first.  The disciples hear that they are loved by Jesus, connected to the Father, and commanded to love each other.  

So they can face the ugly parts of this world they lived in.

I was in a small group for a few recent months before it ended.  It became a place of comfort, of understanding, of softening hearts, of friendship, and of love.  We weren't all great friends, but as we learned about finding confidence in Christ we were able to share bits of ourselves that may never have otherwise surfaced.  And being part of that group strengthened me for the days in between.  

Knowing there was a place I would be accepted and encouraged in the choices I've been making as a follower of Christ helped me to walk through moments of feeling rejected in this world.  

When there is a place of love to go back to, and when we remember that the love of Jesus abides in us now, we can be confident even in persecution, however severe.  I live in a cushy country and don't even pretend to know the struggle that others face, but because those who are persecuted leave a legacy for the rest of us, I know it is possible.    

Anne Graham Lotz says this in My Heart's Cry:

"Without their being consciously aware of what He had been doing, Jesus had revealed to His disciples how they would find the courage to not only live their lives for Him on a daily basis but to actually give their lives for Him on a final basis in death.  Because their courage would be the fruit of their love for Him as well as their love for each other."

Maybe this is how we know that we are satisfied by His love.  When we live each day for Him without fear of what others think, when listening to His words becomes like breathing, when we are asked to give our time, our money, our hearts, our lives, and we do it willingly.  When courage is the fruit we bear.

Father, I pray that courage would be fruit that others see in my life and the lives of those reading here today.  That we would continue to seek satisfaction in your unfailing love until we are walking in step with you, hearing you, obeying you, and living the lives you have created us for.  Make us people who delight in your word and hide it deep in our hearts so that when temptation rises to live for ourselves we would hear your words speaking loud because you abide in us.  And as you abide in us would you give us hearts, and minds, to love one another as broken redeemed people walking through a fallen world?  Satisfy us today with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days!
Psalm 90:14

Satisfied By Love...Day 29

I'm having one of those days today.  It's been quiet and uneventful.  A day when I could eat.  And eat.  And eat.  But I have been praying each morning and throughout the day that by the power of the Holy Spirit I would be able to say no and to resist that temptation and to instead be filled by His Word and to walk in step with Him.  He has met me here so far.  His best is what will satisfy and right now in this moment I am determined to know what that is.

I wonder if the Israelites had that same determination.  As they roamed through the wilderness defeating enemies all over the place were they wondering exactly what that promised land would look like?  What the landscape might be?  The types of foods they would come to know?  If they would know God in a different way once they arrived?

This morning in my quiet time I read Numbers 32 and was struck by a decision made by some of them...

"Now the people of Reuben and the people of Gad had a very great number of livestock.  And they saw the land of Jazer and the land of Gilead, and behold, the place was a place for livestock.  So the people of Gad and the people of Reuben came and said to Moses and to Eleazar the priest and to the chiefs of the congregation, 'Ataroth, Dibon, Jazer, Nimrah, Heshbon, Elealeh, Sebam, Nebo, and Beon, the land that the Lord struck down before the congregation of Israel, is a land for livestock, and your servants have livestock.'  And they said, 'If we have found favor in your sight, let this land be given to your servants for a possession.  Do not take us across the Jordan.' "
Numbers 32:1-5

So, they have been freed from captivity in Egypt, have seen thousands of people struck down by plagues, have conquered armies without losing a single soldier, and as they approach the promised land they are going to stop short!?

Moses and Aaron and other leaders agree that if these people help the rest of the Israelites arrive safely in the land they are moving toward, they may return to this livestock haven.

This may have been exactly where God wanted these tribes to end up.  It doesn't say otherwise in the chapters I read today.  But what if it wasn't suppose to be the end of their road?  "The promised land" is the place God instructed Moses to take His people.  And it made me wonder...

How often do I stop where it's good enough when I am so close to what's best?

How many times have I missed out on God's blessing and work in my life because I didn't take that one last step?  How many times has someone else had a delayed blessing from God because I stopped short?

I think about this in the temptation to eat today.  How many times I've chosen to give in, to start over tomorrow.  I think about how each time it drags me away from Him and into a nasty pit I've climbed out of over and over.

And I wonder, in how many of those times was I just about to reach the promised land?  Learn something new?  Find a deeper identity in Christ?  Understand more of God's character?  See him at work in the life of someone around me?

I know God doesn't stop working when I sin.  But when I separate myself from Him, it becomes so hard to see Him at work and I can't hear Him leading.

So I'm thankful that today I can cling to this and know that God is working in this heart and mind.  That today I can walk with Him and follow where He leads.  And that each time I dig in to where His Spirit dwells He fills another empty space and I find myself satisfied in Him.

Lord, thank you for meeting me here today.  For empowering me through your Holy Spirit to resist temptation and to cling to what is good.  May you do the same in all who struggle with this battle today. Thank you for your victory...

Satisfied By Love...Day 28

Encouragement from Numbers 31:

God gives Moses instructions for war against Midian, with whom our before mentioned Balaam is fighting.  Balaam dies, along with many others, and Israel is victorious.  Not only do they win this war but...

"...the officers who were over the thousands of the army, the commanders of thousands and the commanders of hundreds, came near to Moses and said to Moses, 'Your servants have counted the men of war who are under our command, and there is not a man missing from us.' "
Number 31: 48-49

They did not lose a single man from the army!

And when the battle was over and they had gathered again, they brought an offering to make atonement for themselves before the Lord.

This same God, who struck down thousands with a plague because of their disobedience and who gave instructions to stone those who broke the law did not let one man parish in this fight.

The Israelites were not complaining or grumbling.  They did what God asked in the way he instructed and they prospered.

This is the God we serve!  A God who gives us direction to follow for our good!  A God who desires the best for us if we would choose to accept it and trust Him and walk as He leads.  A God who is worthy of praise because He knows the beginning, the end, and everything in between.  He is the God we worship.

Thank you, Lord, that your ways are better than our ways and your thoughts higher than our thoughts.  You are the beginning and end so let us trust your direction because you see the whole picture.  We can only see what is in front of us right now.  Thank you for not overwhelming us with more.  May we accept what you have given us right now and trust that all you have given is good.  


Giving thanks today...
#134 Ability to see the living room rug...for now
#135 Shining Christmas lights
#136 Dish pile being momentarily empty
#137 Those little dancing arms she does
#138 A car borrowed for a time
#139 A sunny warm November day
#140 Multiple denominations gathered in thanks
#141 Being part of a family
#142 Godly examples in my daughter's life
Thank you, Lord, for these.




             

Satisfied By Love...Day 27

"To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment."  Revelation 21:6

And what will your response be?  I pray mine is this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvNdybdyeOc

God does the work.  We accept it, trust that it's true, and live lives that look like this.  Can you imagine how satisfying?  How full?

Thank you Pastor Tim for the reminder.

Satisfied By Love...Day 26

This weekend, may you be satisfied by the love of the Savior as you take time to rest in Him.

Satisfied By Love...Day 25

I'm a sucker for the Christmas season.  The Thanksgiving holiday starts it out for me as we spend time pondering all God has given us and all He has been to us.  It lightens my heart and rights my mind and reminds me what we look forward to celebrating as Christmas approaches.

Well, we celebrate these holidays regularly around here.  We take time each day to give thanks to God.  To remember Him.  To count the gifts.  To rejoice.

But there is something about this season.  The music, the heartwarming movies, the snuggle time while snow falls, the rosy cheeks and puffs of breath in the air, faces peeking out of hoods and hats and scarves, advent sermons, gathering to worship...

My heart is satisfied in the peace that falls because I know why we celebrate...

Satisfied By Love...Day 24

There was a moment last night that filled my eyes with tears and my heart with joy and hope.

The community was gathered for an evening of worship.  Different denominations in the same building for the purpose of remembering Christ and giving thanks.  I imagine some were participants at churches where you listen mostly and speak when signaled while others came from a place where you dance and respond often and freely.  And there we were, all together.  Worshipping the one that gives us all a common purpose.

We were in the back row reserved for parents with little ones so the whole congregation was before us.  Our little one was on my hip taking it in.  As we sang hands began to raise high and there, in the back row, my sweet little girl lifted her arms as high as she could hold them.  And my vision blurred.

Did she know why people were raising their hands?  Probably not.  But the hope, the joy, came from knowing that she is living a life surrounded often by people who love and serve the living God.  People who aren't afraid to raise their hands in praise to Him.  People who don't stand on tradition or find pride in being right but willingly join together and love one another as we are called to do.    She is surrounded by people with real faith that is part of their daily life.  And when she sees that, I am hopeful that her desire will be to know Him too.

So this thanksgiving I'm thankful that there are people in my daughter's life who love, serve, and follow Christ.  If you are one of them, thank you for being an example to her each time you say yes to Him.  That at a young age she may be satisfied by His love extended through you and choose to follow Him too.

Lord, one day when she raises her hands, may she know that you are the one she was made to worship.  Thank you for the people in her life who have chosen to follow you daily and who live as an example to her.  Would you encourage them in their walk with you and remind them that even the smallest things they do matter in your kingdom.  
And thank you for all the different family you give us.  The people I sat with in that sanctuary last night are as much my family as the people I will eat dinner with this afternoon.  I pray that those who are lonely today might see the family you have placed around them and know they are not forgotten.


I wonder if that's you today?  If your heart is hurting because of broken relationships or loved ones lost, know that I am praying that God would be the one to satisfy your heart, and that he would bring people into your life that will bring love and encouragement and hope.  That you would know that you are not alone.  You are loved.  You are remembered.  And maybe you could find someone else today who needs to hear that too...

Satisfied By Love...Day 23

If you read Numbers 21 you will see Israel was on the move and enemies had been defeated.

In chapter 22 Balak, prince of Moab, has taken notice and is afraid of what the Israelites might do to his own territory.

So Balak sends a message to Balaam in hopes that he might curse the mighty Israelites.

But God will not allow it.  He will only allow blessing to be spoken of His people.

It angers Balak but even a prince's anger cannot make Balaam speak anything other than what God has spoken.  Balak escorts Balaam to different viewpoints of this mass of people hoping to change the way he sees the Israelites, but he only says, "Did I not tell you, 'All that the Lord says, that I must do'?"

Each time they look out on the Israelites Balak sees his enemy.  People he knows could defeat him.  And each time Balaam sees their God, His power and purpose for them.

And it seems that Numbers is all about perspective.  When the Israelites turned their eyes to their circumstances time and time again they became defiant and disobedient toward God.  Thousands of people died from plagues as a result and many others would die before arriving in the promised land.  But when God reminded them of His power and of His purpose for them, and when they followed His direction, they were undefeatable and advancing.

Balak is like the Israelites.  He sees the enemy.  He sees the armies they have defeated.  He sees his land and his people becoming theirs.  Each time Balaam speaks blessing over them instead of curses Balak becomes frustrated.  I wonder if he lives there.  In that land of perpetual frustration that fixes your mind on one thing until it's all you see and you miss the life happening around you.

My husband was sick for a long time.  Not as long as some folks, but longer than my pregnancy with our little girl.  We were both frustrated.  We would work all day and he would spend his evenings and weekends feeling exhausted or sick, or both.  Here I was, carrying this new life gifted from God, and we were hard-pressed to find the joy in it.  I wondered if he'd be well by the time she was born.  I wondered how I'd handle taking care of a baby and a sick husband.  I wondered how long I'd have to feel like I was doing everything on my own.  I wondered why God was giving us this unexpected illness and this unexpected child at the same time.  And I wondered why he wasn't listening to what we wanted.  Just health.  It didn't seem like too much to ask.  Especially with a baby on the way.  Frustration, anger, discontent, and a disconnect from God began.  Where was my perspective?

Balaam saw things differently than Balak.  He looked at the Israelites and saw God:
"How can I curse whom God has not cursed?  How can I denounce whom the Lord has not denounced?  For from the top of the crags I see him, from the hills I behold him;  behold, a people dwelling alone, and not counting itself among the nations!  Who can count the dust of Jacob or number the fourth part of Israel?  Let me die the death of the upright, and let my end be like his!" (Numbers 23:8-10)

"God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should  change his mind.  Has he said, and will he not do it?  Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?  Behold, I received a command to bless: He has blessed, and I cannot revoke it.  He has not beheld misfortune in Jacob, nor has he seen trouble in Israel.  The Lord their God is with them, and the shout of a king is among them." (Numbers 23:19-21)

By the time our sweet girl was born, my husband was well.

She was a joy in our circumstances and a beautiful gift in the midst of a hard lesson.  Our perspective didn't change immediately.  Christianity became a habit for a bit.  Go to church, read our Bible, help when needed...you may know the drill.

And then one day we woke up.  Neither of us are sure exactly how it happened but about a year after our entrance into parenthood we were renewed.  Refreshed!  No amazing stories to speak of the change in our hearts.  We were diligent about reading our Bibles clinging to the knowledge that the truth was what we needed and waiting until our hearts connected with it again.  By the grace of God, they did.

For so long we lived in frustration and disappointment.  God didn't seem to answer our prayers and it makes one wonder if he cares.

But we see it now:
A lifestyle change (gluten and dairy free) that has led to better health for our whole family.
A closeness in our marriage because of the hard places we've been.
A beautiful little girl that we see now as the joy in the midst of suffering.
Firm belief that when you cling to God's truth you cling to life and He will not let you go.
Hope that if we pass through the valley again (and we know we will) we will keep our eyes on him, not our circumstances, and will trust that all He gives is good.  We just have to wait to see it sometimes.

Lord, when are eyes are fixed on you, we are satisfied-even in hardship, in mess, in trouble.  Teach us to cling you your word, to truth, to life, so that our perspective leads us always to you.  That we might see your goodness in all things, and others may look at us and see you.  

Satisfied By Love...Day 22

She sat there this morning in her space-saving high chair at the stained and scratched wood table.

A bowl of yogurt and applesauce, some oatmeal with milk, and a few crumbs of egg bake.

And her baby.

This little one loves to carry a little one with her.

She raises the spoon to the baby's rosy lips so she can have a bite of warm oats.

She rocks her back and forth and says, "I love it."

With a wet cloth she wipes away the leftovers from the baby's mouth.

And I am satisfied.  Because I think that God's love in me is showing her how to love.

Thank You, Lord.  May I continue to lead her as I follow you.

Satisfied By Love...Day 21

"Now Korah the son of Izhar, son of Kohath, son of Levi, and Dathan and Abiram the sons of Eliab, and On the son of Peleth, sons of Reuben, took men.  And they rose up before Moses, with a number of the people of Israel, 250 chiefs of the congregation, chosen from the assembly, well-known men.  They assembled themselves together against Moses and against Aaron and said to them, 'You have gone too far!  For all in the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the Lord is among them.  Why then do you exalt yourselves above the assembly of the Lord?' " (Numbers 16:1-3)

Before this was said, Israelites who were complaining about how God was doing things were overtaken by inhabitants of nearby lands.  Someone broke the sabbath by gathering sticks and God's instruction to Moses was to stone him.  And now, when Moses and Aaron are doing what God has asked of them, men are gathering together to oppose them.  I have learned from my days in Leviticus and Numbers that this will not end well. 

Moses and Aaron were leaders chosen by God.  Moses was reluctant to do it on his own and God sent Aaron to help him.  In Numbers 11 He also allows Moses to have leaders share the burden of the people with him.  And in Exodus God gifts people with abilities to accomplish the tasks required to build all that the Israelites would need to worship Him.  Specific gifts for specific tasks.  All of these were by God's design.  

1 Corinthians 12:4-7 "Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone.  To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good."

We may know that God has designed us all with different gifts, abilities, and tasks, but isn't it easy to fall into comparison?  I often look at other moms with more than one child and wonder why I can't be as organized or as calm.  Bible study leaders ask questions that dig deeper into who we are and it feels like I could never know enough to lead that way.  Women look fit and it makes me wonder how I can change to fit in that skin.  

And I wonder if here, in Numbers, these men looked at Moses and Aaron and became jealous of their relationship to God.  Or jealous of the leadership they had among the people.  Moses and Aaron were the ones He spoke to.  They were chosen for something different.  These men were still leaders among the people, just not the leaders of all the people .  

When we compare sometimes we may feel like failures because we could never be as good as someone else.  Or, we may feel triumphant that someone else isn't as talented as us.  Or we may just want what they have and feel we deserve it just as much.  Once again, the eyes drift to us and our own circumstances.  They aren't thinking about God's purpose.  Have they forgotten, maybe even just temporarily, that it isn't Moses and Aaron at work, but God at work through them?  And by trying to demean their position or take it over themselves they are telling God that what He is doing isn't good enough?  

Well, it didn't turn out well for the men who opposed God's chosen leaders.  

Numbers 16: 31-35 "...the ground under them split apart.  And the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them up, with their households and all the people who belonged to Korah and all their goods.  So they and all that belonged to them went down alive into Sheol, and the earth closed over them, and they perished from the midst of the assembly.  And all Israel who were around them fled at their cry, for they said, 'Lest the earth swallow us up!'  And fire cam out from the Lord and consumed the 250 men offering the incense."

And even after this, the people complained that Moses and Aaron killed the people of the Lord.  They were struck with a plague until Aaron made atonement for them, but 14,700 people had already died.  

Isn't there death when we try to take what God has made good into our own hands?  Death of what He would have done had we obeyed.  Death of something beautiful that could have entered our lives if we wouldn't have been afraid to say yes.  Death of a blessing to others because we thought we deserved it more.

But when we follow His direction and obey His commands and work out His gifts in us and celebrate His gifts in others, the death is to self.  And He fills us.  And we are satisfied.

Oh Lord, let us rejoice in who You have created us to be and appreciate the work You are doing in others.  To be thankful for those who lead us, to rejoice in the gifts of all who have been created by You, and to be willing when You ask us to lead, and to follow, for the common good... 

Adding to the list today...
#115 Heart revival when I learn a new way to read His Word
#116 When I choose to walk with Jesus I know he will bring victory
#117 For new friendships that feel old
#118 For real fellowship that encourages
#119 A whole weekend with my husband at home!
#120 White snow falling on red berries
#121 Craft fairs and their potpourri smell
#122 Free childcare!
#123 This little one sleeping all night again
#124 Our farm friends
#125 Nap time in the afternoon
#126 Sunshine melting snow
#127 The fellowship of believers
#128 Pastors who love the Lord and their flock
#129 Musical worship and the gathering of voices in praise
#130 Sleeping til 7
#131 Getting back to routine
#132 A quiet Monday after a BUSY weekend
#133 Snowplows and shovels at 6:30 Sunday morning
Thank you, Lord, for these...




        

Satisfied By Love...Day 20

In the closet.  It's where I spent a good long time this morning trying to find something to wear to church.

There is one pair of jeans in this home that fits me.  There are zero pairs of pantyhose that do no contain a string of runs or snags and since I had my daughter every pair of dress shoes barely allows me to take a step.   Hence, the jeans.  Alas, they were in the dryer after the attempt at getting bits of last night's (and many nights before that) dinner washed away.  Church would be starting in 15 minutes and it takes 20 to get there.

And where was my husband?  In the living room dressing our daughter who has recently discovered the art of tantrums.  He hates missing the music at the beginning of the service.  When the little one was ready he continued to wait, silently.  No rushing, no reminding me of the time, no trying to fix the problem.  Just waiting knowing that I've been here a hundred times before and eventually I would make it into the car.  Yes, I did take time to thank him for his patience...again.

At one point in my frustration I told him to go without me because the dryer wouldn't be done in time and I had no other options.  Except sweats.

While we were in the car he said, "Thinking you can't go to church unless you are wearing the right clothes is a lie Satan uses to keep you from getting there."

How many times have I believed a lie and not even realized I was being lied to?  As we drove over the ice covered roads my mind painted a picture of myself showing up at church in my gray drawstring pj pants and a sweatshirt.  There may have been a few people with sideways glances because they have expectations of how people should show up, but I couldn't imagine a single person approaching me with offense at my garments.  Had a woman heard my story I would have been met with eyes of sympathy.  Had a man asked Josh, he too would have been met with a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.  And if someone else had come in dressed like that they may have had a sigh of relief at not being the only one.

It was a lie.  And had I believed it my heart would have missed out on God's work this morning, the blessing of being taught by a pastor who soaks in God's word and shares it with us, and being part of a fellowship that would have welcomed me if I had shown up in my pjs.

I read in Numbers 14 today about the Israelites again.  They had already been grumbling about the manna.  Now they had been lied to and told that the land they were headed to wasn't really that great and they'd have to defeat giants to get there so they were grumbling about that.  Instead of remembering and claiming God's promise and moving ahead, they complained.

Grumbling is so easy to fall into.  It seems to happen over and over to these people as it often does to me.  And so God tells them they will not enter the promised land.  Their children will get there, but this generation of complainers will die in the wilderness.  How often do I end up wasting away in the wilderness because I believe the lies instead of claiming the promises God has made in His Word?  When my eyes wander away from where I'm headed I end up complaining about where I am and his blessing escapes me.

I ended up wearing a pair of snaggy old hose, pinchy shoes that almost lost their footing on the ice while waddling along, an old snaggy skirt, and a sweater that didn't really match.  But, it was the best I could do with what was available today and as I sat in the sanctuary I didn't think once about my clothes.  And I don't think anyone else did either.  I just breathed in the work of His Spirit in that place, listening to the truth and praying it would hide here in my heart.

Thank you Father for a fellowship of believers that cares more about the heart than the appearance, for an endlessly patient husband, for the clothes I wore today, and for the move of Your Spirit in our church.  May it one day be filled with people so hungry for you that even when they have nothing to wear they will come anyway...just as they are...and may our hearts be understanding and open.  And may our hearts be satisfied by Your love as we give up grumbling and give in to thanks.

Ten days left of this "Satisfied by Love" journey.  I hope you'll think about joining me as I begin a study of 1 Peter in December!

Satisfied By Love...Day 19

Joining the rest of the snow-covered world today as the white flakes settle on red berries outside our bedroom window.  I know the winter gets long here but there is something so peaceful about early snowfall...traffic slows and the air gets quiet and I can sit here and ponder...

Numbers chapter 11 was on the schedule for today and this is what I saw:

11: 4-6 "Now the rabble that was among them had a strong craving.  And the people of Israel also wept again and said, "Oh that we had meat to eat!  We remember the fish we ate in Egypt that cost nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic.  But now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at."

There was rabble in the crowd of Israel.  People were dissatisfied and wishing they were in Egypt.  Egypt! A place of slavery!  God had delivered them and was providing food for them and they were complaining.  It wasn't what they wanted.

I've been there.  In a place where nothing around me feels good enough.  When what I desire draws my mind from being thankful for what I have.  And then those cravings set in and I find myself trying to fill it.  Food is my biggest struggle.  But for someone else it could be clothes with more style than sweats, a car without rust, a home with a yard, a better paying job, a TV people can see from two blocks away...

And even if we have all of this it isn't enough.  It is never enough when we fill our craving with something other than God.  Satisfaction comes through thankful hearts and recognizing that what he gives is always good.  And what he doesn't give is good too.

God provided what they wanted.  He sent them quail from all over the place!  Along with a plague...

11: 33-34   "While the meat was yet between their teeth, before it was consumed, the anger of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord struck down the people with a very great plague.  Therefore the name of that place was called Kibroth-hattaavah, because there they buried the people who had the craving."

We are asked to die a different death.  We are asked to die to ourselves.  When the rabble comes and tempts us to see what we don't have and seek what we crave we can choose to look until we find it or we can choose to see what is already there and give thanks.  I don't want my life to be spent chasing after things that don't satisfy and don't add life to the lives of others.

Jesus had a desire for people to be reconciled to his father and to know the joy of relationship with him.  His desire led to death.  A death that would bring life for centuries.  Every time we die to ourselves and lay our cravings at his feet, we receive life and can pour it into others.

Lord, help me to live this way-satisfied by your love and giving thanks for all your gifts...

Satisfied By Love...Day 18

This morning I decided to listen to the advice of Mrs. Anne Graham Lotz.  Yesterday in My Heart's Cry she said that we speak to God through prayer and then listen intently as He speaks to us through His Word.  While putting this into practice today God seemed to be leading me to the same thoughts in each part of my quiet time reading.  Don't you love when that happens?!

It began with Numbers 10:35 "And whenever the ark set out, Moses said, 'Arise, O Lord, and let your enemies be scattered, and let those who hate you flee before you."

When I read about the Israelites carrying the ark of the covenant with them this picture of a massive sea of people following this ark on a pole rests in my mind.  Imagine over 600,000 people wandering around following it!  They kept the ark before them knowing that God's presence resided there protecting them and bringing them victory against any enemy.  One might wonder who would go up against that many people anyway, but this was not a trained army.  There were no intimidating uniforms.  No clanging of armor as they walked.  It was families.  Children.  Grandparents.  Siblings.  The ark was their armor and God was their defender.

There is no shining ark leading us now.  We aren't all wandering together.  We are scattered around the world and often without fellowship and support of other believers.  But we don't need the ark because when we give our lives to Jesus, God dwells here, with us, in us.  His Holy Spirit is our guide and counselor.  There may not be an army lined up around our city (or maybe there is) but the enemy is always at work in the life of a believer.  If we choose to remember and believe God is with us, there is victory.

Oswald Chambers says today, "Self-satisfaction says, 'I can't surrender," or "I can't be free.'  But the spiritual part of our being never says, 'I can't'; it simply soaks up everything around it.  Our spirit hungers for more and more.  It is the way we are built.  We are designed with a great capacity for God, but sin, our own individuality, and wrong thinking keep us from getting to Him."

My self-satisfaction often comes from food.  When that desire creeps in the word "no" creeps out.  Surrendering to God's will in those moments is met with, "I can't."  And my spirit does hunger for more and more, but I'm shoveling the wrong things in.  Everything I try to fill it with is temporary unless I am filling it with more of Jesus.  It is wrong thinking, sin, my own individuality.  He continues...

"God will not bring our 'arguments...and every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ'
(2 Corinthians 10:5)-we have to do it.
It is what Paul meant in Galatians 2:20 when he said, 'I have been crucified with Christ...'  His individuality had been broken and his spirit had been united with his Lord.
We tend to rely on our own energy, instead of being energized by the power that comes from identification with Jesus."

Rather than taking every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, I tend to just push the thought down...and then it rises up again.  My own energy isn't enough to keep it under the surface.  Only power through Jesus is going to make me free in this.

John 15:4 says, "Abide in me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me."
John 15:7 says, "If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you."

Since you are not in my head these thoughts may seem totally unrelated.  The thought process looks something like this:
We are to abide in Christ.  When we live with Him in us He is the one that does the work through us.  It is not our energy or our work that makes us more like Him.  When we soak in His words they sink deep and we obey and we share His work and we love one another because that is what's in us.  Not because of what we do, but because of what He does.  The Israelites remained with God as they carried the ark with them and followed Him by a pillar of cloud or of fire, and they were protected.  When we abide in Christ we too are protected from the fiery darts of the enemy.
But in this world the lies get loud and we are the ones who have to take those thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ-to be broken so He can draw them out of us instead of us pushing them down as they drag us further away from Him.

All that I read today seemed to be reminding me that I need to walk in His presence.  That's it.  To stop doing and listen more and let Him do His work in and through me.

So what might happen if I saturate my heart with His word?  To take it in every chance I get?  To really abide in Him so that He abides in me?

And if I can do that, maybe I can really know what it means to be satisfied by His love...

Lord, thank you for waking my sleeping heart.  For reminding me in this season of my life that if I would just rest in You, You will do the work that I have tried for so long to do on my own.  Freedom comes through being completely yours, totally identified with You.  And I am waiting...in expectation...

Satisfied By Love...Day 17

I admit that jealousy has inched it's way in.  All of these posts I've read about the Relevant conference have left me feeling like I missed out.  Missed my chance for new relationships.  Real life friendships.  Faces and personalities to go with names and blog stories.

Friendships with other women take work for me.  There is a desire for someone to know me deeply-even the parts that are real and ugly.  Especially the parts that are real and ugly I think.  And for them to accept me anyway.  There is a desire to know someone willing to let me know them the same way.  To just walk through life together without judgment or assumptions or comparisons or falsehood.

I sat with two women like that tonight after dinner.  I've been sitting with them for 11 weeks.  Two women looking for real.  For honesty.  For someone to relate to their messy life.  Their feelings of guilt.  Their heartache.  Their praise.  Their thanksgiving.

We sat there and I realized that it doesn't need to be a conference full of women (although that is a wonderful setting for relationship building and I hope one day to participate) or a book study or a mom's group.  Right here as we fill our physical bodies with heaps of love in the form of cheesy potatoes and jello salad and warm buttery rolls we fill our hearts as we ask about interviews and struggles with parents and dirty floors and bills that can't be paid and answered prayer and what God is teaching us.

It takes honest questions and honest answers.  We want people to see the good.  The put together.  Not the stuff that makes us look weak.  But Paul boasted in his weakness because that's where God's glory is seen.  When we share the weakness as these ladies did tonight, we are encouraged because as we continue to walk with each other we see God meet them, they see God meet us, and we can all step forward into another day, another week, another month.  And when we all meet together in fellowship and share in God's blessing and celebrate and cry with each other, we can be satisfied.

Thank You Lord for friendship.  For sisters in Christ.  For bringing unlike people together by Your Son. For giving us the most important thing in common so we can walk through life together.  My heart feels at home tonight...

Satisfied By Love...Day 16

Finally getting back on track in our home.  Little Miss seems to be on the upswing and we've been able to spend a little time unattached to each other which has been helpful for both of us :)  It's my first time feeling like I really have time to sit and listen and write in a few days and it feels like fresh air.

I'm still reading about the vine and branches in John chapter 15 today.  There are many uses of the word "you" as well as "I" so I decided to pick them apart a bit

I (Jesus)                                                                
~ the true vine            
~ abide in you            

He (God)
~ the vinedresser
~ takes away dead branches
~ prunes fruitful branches

You (us)
~ a branch
~ clean by His Word
~ abide in Christ
~ can do nothing apart from Jesus
~ bear fruit
~ prove to be Jesus' disciples
                                                                                         
The subject to ponder today at A Holy Experience is faith.  It's what I see today reading verses 1-8.  We are branches.  Growing from a vine to bear fruit and to prove that we are disciples of Jesus Christ.  We are pruned and dressed by the One who created us to do this.  But how do we abide?  How do we know we are cleaned by His Words?  How do we know that when we try to work on our own, apart form God's plan, we can do nothing?

Isn't this faith?  To believe that He is the vine?  That Jesus is the One who came to keep us connected?  To make us clean?  To be the Word made flesh and to dwell among us as an example so that we can be His proven disciples?  It's faith that causes us to open His word and believe it's true.  Sometimes we see the proof in our own lives or the lives of others and sometimes we keep believing simply because He tells us to.  It's faith to listen to the Holy Spirit and to obey God's Word trusting that we will bear fruit that will bring glory to Him.

We are connected by the vine and He asks us to abide.  He tells us that when we do this He does it too.  Really?  Abide in me?

That takes faith too.  To believe this perfect One would choose to abide in me forces me to look beyond what I have done and what I am doing and all of the things that make me a mess and to believe that He.  Lives.  Here.

When my daughter is sick and the dishes pile up and the laundry isn't done and my back hurts from sitting in the same position on the couch trying to keep her comfortable...He lives here.

When my husband is unexpectedly gone until nearly bedtime and I don't know that because I left my phone at my mom's house when we were visiting and how could I do that because we have no land line and what if there is an emergency?  He lives here.

When my friend is broken and I feel like I do and say everything wrong when all I want to do is lift up and help her see Him again...He lives here.

And when I feel empty and failed and failing and falling apart...He lives here.

The vine is rooted.  Woven into the ground.  Connected to the One Who created all things to grow and bear fruit.  And when we live in faith in Him, so are we.

Father, remind us that You are here with us, especially when it seems hard to believe.  Amazing that You would choose us as we are and then prune and clean and cut so that we grow to bear the fruit You created us for.  May we prove to be Your disciples as we abide in Jesus and remain connected to You...






                       

Satisfied By Love...Day 15

Sorry for changing my layout and design again friends.  Seems like it changes with me.  If I ever figure out how to import this blog to another one I'll have a second one just for playing around until I find something I'm ready to stick with!

Today I was reading John 15 which is probably familiar to a lot of you but for me it is always an important reminder:
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser.  Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.  Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.  Abide in me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.  I am the vine; you are the branches.  Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.  If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned.  If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.  By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.

Do I prove to be His disciple?  He is at work in me, His Father is at work in me, and I feel the same.  Do I look any different?

O Lord, may I glorify you as you prune, cut, and nourish...

His gifts are so good...
#108 I can be up with this little one night after night and not have to think about going to work the next day
#109 The warm October sun hanging on
#110 WEARING SWEATS!
#111 Children's fever reducer
#112 Almond yogurt for every meal the last 3 days...her poor little mouth just doesn't want to chew :(
#113 His mercies are new every morning and His grace doesn't end...I know...I'm thankful for this a lot
#114 The encouraging blogs of my sisters who walk this lovely and narrow walk too...you direct my eyes back to Him on the hard days
...and they satisfy...

Satisfied By Love...Day 14

Really, I'm tired today.  It's been an eat-when-I-can-sneak-it-in kind of day as the little one and I camped out on the couch...again.  But I'm happy to say she's on the mend.

I know if I keep writing today the focus will be all about me and that's not where I want to go.  So I hope you've been satisfied by the love of our Savior today.

Until tomorrow...

Satisfied By Love...Day 13

Yesterday was spent sitting or laying or leaning against the couch with my little girl on my lap or laying over my shoulder.  Funny how all her growing pains are exactly what's taking her away from that one place she really wants to be when her body is hurting.  She changes overnight sometimes.

Today has been much of the same.  Sitting, laying, playing sometimes, and watching a lot of Veggie Tales.  Who knew that God would remind me of something so important while watching armless talking vegetables?

So there was Jonah the asparagus listening to God tell him what to do and God told him to go to Ninevah.  Jonah said no thanks and promptly moved in the exact opposite direction.

Ouch.  How many times have I done that?

And then he goes on a trip with those lazy pirates who don't do anything, a storm comes, he offers to jump off the boat in his rubber duck floaty and swim cap, and gets swallowed up (along with his traveling buddy the half caterpillar half worm) by a giant fish.

I read about this not too long ago in What Women Fear by Angie Smith.  She talks about how that giant fish was God's way of rescuing Jonah.  I'm not sure I often think about the hardest or scariest pieces of my life as a rescue.  To me they always feel like an obstacle or a test.  But God gave Jonah that fish and offered him the opportunity to turn back to Him and to choose the right direction.  He gave Jonah time for a change of heart and eyes to see God's power.

I can understand why Jonah didn't want to take a message of repentance and mercy to the Ninevites.  But Jonah didn't miss out only on extending God's grace to them, he was missing out on God's grace and work in his own life.

Oh that flesh!  Making choices we know will lead us away from where God wants us to be is so difficult at times.  But there was no rest for Jonah when he made that choice.  The rest and the connection to God came when he was obedient.  God blesses that obedience.  I know that's when I feel like I'm in step with Him-when I obey His commands in His word as well as His direction in my life.

And so why do I run the other way?  Still looking to be satisfied by this world.  By things I can see.

Father, satisfy me with You love today.  That I would seek you and respond to Your Spirit instead of the flesh.  To accept Your direction and to walk in it with confidence that good will come from it-however hard it may seem.  

Satisfied By Love...Day 12

Sick little one at home today.  Lots of snuggling on the couch.  Satisfied to be able to love her today, rest with her, and care for her.  Thankful that God fills me with the love she needs.

Satisfied By Love...Day 11 (Guest Post)

I've been on this journey, seeking understanding of what it means to be satisfied by God's love and nothing else.  I'm taking the thirty days of this month to study this specifically.  I imagine it will continue after that because honestly, I'm not there yet.

For a long time food has been my false satisfaction.  My go-to when the thoughts are too many, the pain is too hard, the day is too quiet.

Maybe you have a go-to like that?  TV, novels, an activity-packed schedule, reading every blog you can find, to avoid hearing your own thoughts?

To join in this discussion today I hope you will follow as I guess post at Beautiful Mommy Feet for day 11. 

Blessings to you today.