What If...

My thoughts are a mess today.  I don't even know where to begin.

Fear.  Insecurity.  Jealousy.  All things I'm learning about now but I'm just beginning them.  You know, that place of introduction where you begin to see the pieces of all that's wrong.  And I know that I'll begin to see the pieces that are right and they will all come together and God will show me something new, but for now I'm left wondering.  What will that look like?

What would it look like if I didn't have that nagging thought in the back of my mind that there is someone better for "this" (whatever that may be) than me?
If I wasn't afraid that I would live an insignificant life?
If I didn't feel like I'm less important than other people?
If I wasn't a people-pleaser afraid of losing relationships and favor with those I love?
If I believe He is conforming me.
If I believe that his power is made perfect in my weakness and I could even BOAST in my weakness?
If I believe that I am usable for His work?  Valuable to Him?

I believe all these things in part at different times, but I want to believe them fully all the time.  To be still, to know He is God, and not be afraid of what I might hear in the quiet.  Oh I know it will be trying, hurt will come, ugliness will come to light, but he will make it all good in His time.  And maybe, because of what He teaches me, someone else might be blessed.

Lord, give me the courage to answer you honestly, to dig deep, to lean into you, and to be who you created me to be.