Satisfied By Love...Day 23

If you read Numbers 21 you will see Israel was on the move and enemies had been defeated.

In chapter 22 Balak, prince of Moab, has taken notice and is afraid of what the Israelites might do to his own territory.

So Balak sends a message to Balaam in hopes that he might curse the mighty Israelites.

But God will not allow it.  He will only allow blessing to be spoken of His people.

It angers Balak but even a prince's anger cannot make Balaam speak anything other than what God has spoken.  Balak escorts Balaam to different viewpoints of this mass of people hoping to change the way he sees the Israelites, but he only says, "Did I not tell you, 'All that the Lord says, that I must do'?"

Each time they look out on the Israelites Balak sees his enemy.  People he knows could defeat him.  And each time Balaam sees their God, His power and purpose for them.

And it seems that Numbers is all about perspective.  When the Israelites turned their eyes to their circumstances time and time again they became defiant and disobedient toward God.  Thousands of people died from plagues as a result and many others would die before arriving in the promised land.  But when God reminded them of His power and of His purpose for them, and when they followed His direction, they were undefeatable and advancing.

Balak is like the Israelites.  He sees the enemy.  He sees the armies they have defeated.  He sees his land and his people becoming theirs.  Each time Balaam speaks blessing over them instead of curses Balak becomes frustrated.  I wonder if he lives there.  In that land of perpetual frustration that fixes your mind on one thing until it's all you see and you miss the life happening around you.

My husband was sick for a long time.  Not as long as some folks, but longer than my pregnancy with our little girl.  We were both frustrated.  We would work all day and he would spend his evenings and weekends feeling exhausted or sick, or both.  Here I was, carrying this new life gifted from God, and we were hard-pressed to find the joy in it.  I wondered if he'd be well by the time she was born.  I wondered how I'd handle taking care of a baby and a sick husband.  I wondered how long I'd have to feel like I was doing everything on my own.  I wondered why God was giving us this unexpected illness and this unexpected child at the same time.  And I wondered why he wasn't listening to what we wanted.  Just health.  It didn't seem like too much to ask.  Especially with a baby on the way.  Frustration, anger, discontent, and a disconnect from God began.  Where was my perspective?

Balaam saw things differently than Balak.  He looked at the Israelites and saw God:
"How can I curse whom God has not cursed?  How can I denounce whom the Lord has not denounced?  For from the top of the crags I see him, from the hills I behold him;  behold, a people dwelling alone, and not counting itself among the nations!  Who can count the dust of Jacob or number the fourth part of Israel?  Let me die the death of the upright, and let my end be like his!" (Numbers 23:8-10)

"God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should  change his mind.  Has he said, and will he not do it?  Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?  Behold, I received a command to bless: He has blessed, and I cannot revoke it.  He has not beheld misfortune in Jacob, nor has he seen trouble in Israel.  The Lord their God is with them, and the shout of a king is among them." (Numbers 23:19-21)

By the time our sweet girl was born, my husband was well.

She was a joy in our circumstances and a beautiful gift in the midst of a hard lesson.  Our perspective didn't change immediately.  Christianity became a habit for a bit.  Go to church, read our Bible, help when needed...you may know the drill.

And then one day we woke up.  Neither of us are sure exactly how it happened but about a year after our entrance into parenthood we were renewed.  Refreshed!  No amazing stories to speak of the change in our hearts.  We were diligent about reading our Bibles clinging to the knowledge that the truth was what we needed and waiting until our hearts connected with it again.  By the grace of God, they did.

For so long we lived in frustration and disappointment.  God didn't seem to answer our prayers and it makes one wonder if he cares.

But we see it now:
A lifestyle change (gluten and dairy free) that has led to better health for our whole family.
A closeness in our marriage because of the hard places we've been.
A beautiful little girl that we see now as the joy in the midst of suffering.
Firm belief that when you cling to God's truth you cling to life and He will not let you go.
Hope that if we pass through the valley again (and we know we will) we will keep our eyes on him, not our circumstances, and will trust that all He gives is good.  We just have to wait to see it sometimes.

Lord, when are eyes are fixed on you, we are satisfied-even in hardship, in mess, in trouble.  Teach us to cling you your word, to truth, to life, so that our perspective leads us always to you.  That we might see your goodness in all things, and others may look at us and see you.