Today was it so far. I know more will come and that I can't condemn myself for my mistakes, but there is a thread of guilt hanging on to me.
My husband has a peanut sensitivity. Because of that we are not suppose to give our daughter peanuts until she is at least four. Today, without even thinking about it, I gave my two-year-old a bite of a peanut butter cookie. Within an hour I was driving down Main Street with a coughing toddler covered in a rash from neck to knee.
I came home with a tired girl, a couple of epipens, and some de-rashing medication.
The afternoon seemed to be much more traumatic for me than for her. She was playing while I was preparing a bag for the clinic, she was pointing to the trees out the window while I was praying she'd keep breathing, and she was exploring the doctor's office while I tried to concentrate on filling out forms and watching the spreading rash and swollen eyelids.
It won't be the last moment that makes me feel like a terrible mother. I am so thankful that in those moments I can call on God, the one who brings peace in chaos and moments that seem like emergencies. The one who lets me focus on what's important in those moments where there is so much to think about. The one that keeps me from fear when I need to keep moving forward. I am thankful he did that for me today. I am thankful that my little one is resting peacefully right now. I am thankful that tomorrow is a new day, and even with its mistakes we will learn and grow together. I am thankful that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus and I am as loved now as I was when I woke up this morning.
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