To breaking bad habits...

Though it was written in 2000, the questions today from Anne Graham Lotz startled my heart:

"Have you ever considered that you have a divine appointment when you get up early for your quiet time?...That Jesus is patiently, personally waiting to meet with you there?"

Maybe when Jesus was new to me?  Or maybe not so long ago.  Today, it's hard to remember.

"Many people think the greatest sins are murder, adultery, theft, and similar gross acts.  But Jesus said the greatest commandment was to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.  Could it be the greatest sin is simply not to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength?  If so, think of all the moments of all the the days of all the weeks of all the months of all the years of your life when you have been guilty of the greatest sin of all!"

Oh wretched man that I am!

"What needs correcting in your worship?  Has it been more outward form and ritual than inner desire and love?"

Bingo!

All of this came out of John 4:1-42, the familiar story of Jesus resting at a well and talking to a Samaritan woman.  Whether not loving God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength is the greatest sin isn't the question, but do I?  Do I love him so much that I crave that divine appointment in the early morning as I wake up, or long for time with him in the busyness of my day?  Is he my inner desire and love?

Ulch.  Could I feel any worse knowing my response to these today?  Yes.  I could remain in disgust with myself, focused on my sinfulness, and I could let that spiral until I forget all about who God is because all I can see is me.  Not so much the good, but the bad and the really really ugly.  But Jesus is still giving that living water he offered to that woman.  He's given it to me before and he says it is a well springing up to eternal life!  So, if it is that deep than the supply couldn't have run out.  It must be that I have stopped drinking.  I don't find myself so joyful that I leave my jar at his feet caught up in joy that has filled me completely so that I can't help but run through the street telling everyone else about Him.

I wake up
Write in my journal,
Read a chapter of 1 Peter which is what I'm studying and attempting to memorize at the moment
...and go about my day.
I think about Him and pray as the day goes on, but it's gotten to that place of habit again and who knew habit could be so uncomfortable?

So my prayer today, Lord, is to remember who I was before I received your living water.  And to freshly experience the grace that in knowing all of me, you offered anyway.  Knowing this day would come, you offer it still if I would only take and drink.  Your well springs up to eternal life.  It will never run dry.  So when I do, would you remind me of the joy of your salvation?  Of you, the living water?  And pray that I might love you with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength.  My Lord, replace these habits with hunger for you...