In the closet. It's where I spent a good long time this morning trying to find something to wear to church.
There is one pair of jeans in this home that fits me. There are zero pairs of pantyhose that do no contain a string of runs or snags and since I had my daughter every pair of dress shoes barely allows me to take a step. Hence, the jeans. Alas, they were in the dryer after the attempt at getting bits of last night's (and many nights before that) dinner washed away. Church would be starting in 15 minutes and it takes 20 to get there.
And where was my husband? In the living room dressing our daughter who has recently discovered the art of tantrums. He hates missing the music at the beginning of the service. When the little one was ready he continued to wait, silently. No rushing, no reminding me of the time, no trying to fix the problem. Just waiting knowing that I've been here a hundred times before and eventually I would make it into the car. Yes, I did take time to thank him for his patience...again.
At one point in my frustration I told him to go without me because the dryer wouldn't be done in time and I had no other options. Except sweats.
While we were in the car he said, "Thinking you can't go to church unless you are wearing the right clothes is a lie Satan uses to keep you from getting there."
How many times have I believed a lie and not even realized I was being lied to? As we drove over the ice covered roads my mind painted a picture of myself showing up at church in my gray drawstring pj pants and a sweatshirt. There may have been a few people with sideways glances because they have expectations of how people should show up, but I couldn't imagine a single person approaching me with offense at my garments. Had a woman heard my story I would have been met with eyes of sympathy. Had a man asked Josh, he too would have been met with a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. And if someone else had come in dressed like that they may have had a sigh of relief at not being the only one.
It was a lie. And had I believed it my heart would have missed out on God's work this morning, the blessing of being taught by a pastor who soaks in God's word and shares it with us, and being part of a fellowship that would have welcomed me if I had shown up in my pjs.
I read in Numbers 14 today about the Israelites again. They had already been grumbling about the manna. Now they had been lied to and told that the land they were headed to wasn't really that great and they'd have to defeat giants to get there so they were grumbling about that. Instead of remembering and claiming God's promise and moving ahead, they complained.
Grumbling is so easy to fall into. It seems to happen over and over to these people as it often does to me. And so God tells them they will not enter the promised land. Their children will get there, but this generation of complainers will die in the wilderness. How often do I end up wasting away in the wilderness because I believe the lies instead of claiming the promises God has made in His Word? When my eyes wander away from where I'm headed I end up complaining about where I am and his blessing escapes me.
I ended up wearing a pair of snaggy old hose, pinchy shoes that almost lost their footing on the ice while waddling along, an old snaggy skirt, and a sweater that didn't really match. But, it was the best I could do with what was available today and as I sat in the sanctuary I didn't think once about my clothes. And I don't think anyone else did either. I just breathed in the work of His Spirit in that place, listening to the truth and praying it would hide here in my heart.
Thank you Father for a fellowship of believers that cares more about the heart than the appearance, for an endlessly patient husband, for the clothes I wore today, and for the move of Your Spirit in our church. May it one day be filled with people so hungry for you that even when they have nothing to wear they will come anyway...just as they are...and may our hearts be understanding and open. And may our hearts be satisfied by Your love as we give up grumbling and give in to thanks.
Ten days left of this "Satisfied by Love" journey. I hope you'll think about joining me as I begin a study of 1 Peter in December!
No comments:
Post a Comment