In God's Heart I Am...Called

Right now I am a stay-at-home mama, a wife, an AWANA teacher, a social media volunteer, a friend praying for a budding romance...

God may have called me into those places to fulfill a need, develop skills, build relationships, or use His gifts in me.  Or all of the above!

But He is calling me to something new.  Something hard.  Something I don't know how to do.

"God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind."
2 Timothy 1:7

I have always been shy.  Always been introverted.  Usually slow to speak.  Easily intimidated by those who know more than I do.  I have always thought of this verse in light of my timidity and made many decisions to simply be more outgoing.

But what I need is not a personality change.  I am who God made me.  Being almost as introverted as you can possibly get on the Meyers-Briggs scale isn't a burden, it's a gift!  What I need, what I am called to, is power, love, and sound mind.

Not fear.  I am not here today to camp on fear again.  I am here to camp on what opposes it.  How to fight the battle.  How to be filled so I know I'm enough and it doesn't give my enemy a foothold, or even worse, victory in my life.

I do not think of myself as powerful.  At all.  I am a small person and my husband doesn't even think I should be lifting our almost two-year-old.
Love.  I can love.  My friends, my family, even strangers.  But the person who buzzes at the door of our building during nap time?
A sound mind.  Hm.  Would that be one that isn't scattered thinking of a hundred different things at one time and wondering how everything will get done and where are the keys and did I remember to put diapers in the diaper bag and do I have a snack in case the one at church has nuts in it and do I have the epipen in case a sweet child decides to share with her anyway because they don't know what an allergy is and did I remember to turn off the toaster oven, plug in the slow-cooker, get the clothes out of the dryer and get the dishes washed so we have some silverware to eat with tonight?

Clearly, I am lacking in all of the above.  But I am called to this.  God has given it to me.  Already.  Seems to be one of those gifts that I opened and then left under the tree because it's just too hard to put together and I'm too impatient to try it.  But I'm looking at it now.  And I really really want to put it together.

Power:
Isaiah 40:29 "He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength."
Great!  That's me!  Faint with no might!
Colossians 1:11 "May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might..."
Acts 1:8 "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you..."

In all of these the power is given.  It is something He gives when I need it.  When you need it.  When fear creeps in, it is His power that defeats it.

Love:
1 Peter 1:22 "Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart..."
1 Peter 4:8 "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers over a multitude of sins."
1 Thessalonians 4:9-10 "Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, for that indeed is what you are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia.  But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more..."

Love seems to be a choice and an action.  When that buzzer rings at the door I can choose to feed the rapid heart rate by getting angry about where I live or I can give thanks for my home, my on-time delivery, and even pray for the safety and salvation of the driver.  Today for the first time in a long time I chose the latter.  Praise God.  He is at work in me. :)

Sound Mind:
Isaiah 26:3 "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.
Matthew 22:37 "And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
1 Corinthians 14:15 "I will pray with my spirit, but I will pray with my mind also;  I will sing praise with my spirit, but I will sing with my mind also.

I wonder...if my mind is engaged with the Spirit and concentrated on God, would my thoughts be a jumbled mess?  Or would I be able to think of those things necessary in specific moments.  And maybe there would be peace there, and less forgetfulness.

I am moving forward.  Closer to His calling; to having a spirit of power, love, and sound mind.  To knowing this so I can practice this so I can know Him more deeply.

Lord, lead me...